Flashback
by Prince Jun
Summary: AU. You're always pretending you're not sneaking around behind my back. Even now, I'm trying to make things right and all you can ever do is screw it up. Flash. Past, present, it's all the same to us now. Just one big flashback. Flash, flash, flash. GxH.
1. Prologue

**Not quite sure where I'm going with this, but I've got a vague idea. (That seems to be the case with most of my fics...haha.)**

**Main pairing is Gwen/Heather but others will be mentioned, if only very briefly. There could be some slash but it shouldn't be a big deal.**

**I really really hope none of this is OOC, but please tell me if it is. xD I'm not used to writing Gwen.  
**

Do you remember what it was like to be young? To run around freely, no fear that someone would take you away or that you couldn't find your way back? To play with everyone, simply because you didn't know how to hate them? Were you one of the smiling, screeching little beasts making a mess out of everything, or did you just play house and keep your playclothes nice and clean?

Do you remember your first day of school ever? Were you the happy young child eager to see what that marvelous day had to offer? Or were you the sad kid, crying for mommy to take you home, begging her to stay?

Do you remember all those dances in junior high? In high school? Did you even bother to go? I'm sure you thought they were stupid, even though you never told me. I'm sure you only bothered to keep up with your image. It'd look bad if the most popular girl in school couldn't get a date, a pretty boy on her arm.

Do you remember when we met? That day in fifth grade

Do you remember how I could never figure you out?

Do you even remember me?

Do you remember that I loved you?

I remember everything. Everything.

Please tell me you do too.


	2. Chapter 1

I'm looking at you right now. I can see you, right now.

It's not as weird as it sounds; you're behind the counter at Starbucks, taking my order. You recognize me but refuse to acknowledge me.

Fine then. Pretend you don't know me.

As I wait for my mocha, I think I feel your eyes boring into the back of my head, but I'm afraid to look back. I hate the cold look in your eyes. Like a gray, frozen Hell staring at me.

I wish they'd warm up again. Look at me the way they used to.

Some fat girl I don't recognize gives me my mocha. I thank her and head for the exit.

Without any acknowledgement that I was ever there, you watch me leave.

I'm searching through the parking lot, trying to find my car, when I hear feet smack against the pavement and your voice calling my name.

"Gwen!" I turn around and fight the smile tugging at my lips. Someone's yelling at you to get your ass back inside, but you ignore them.

"Gwen." You're trying not to smile. I wish you would; you haven't smiled much lately. "Um...hey. What's up?"

I raise my eyebrow. "'What's up?' Really?" Damn, I feel like a bitch. But really, after everything you've done all you can say is "What's up"?

I'm suddenly pissed at the both of us.

"Whatever. Sorry." And now you're mad too. You turn around, look over your shoulder. "Next time I won't bother."

You start to walk away. I grab your shoulder. "Wait, Heather," I say. You turn around and cross your arms. "Sorry, I'm just...kinda pissed about everything."

"No shit." You glare at me and I try not to cringe. "I'm pissed too, but I'm sick and tired of screwing everything up. I'm sick of you screwing everything up!"

"When have I ever-" You cover my mouth as I start to argue.

"Save it for later. I gotta get back to work."

And without another word, you turn around and walk inside. Leaving me behind again.

Flash.

_"Goddammit, Heather!"_

Washing over me like a movie flashback.

_Slam. Stomp. "Why the fuck do you have to do this to me?"_

Switching between past and present. Standing here, clutching my coffee, watching you turn back on me, I can't tell the difference between the two.

_"I don't know what the hell you're talking about!" Lies lies lies, that's all that ever comes out of your mouth._

_"Like hell you don't!" I'm sick of screaming at you. Having this same fight over and over again._

_"Ugh, save it for later."_

Dejá vu.

That always seemed like your favorite thing to say. Even now, you downright refuse to talk about something if it's only a minor problem.

This is major. Like you can even tell the difference.

But I'm sick of trying to make you listen to me. Sick of taking shit from you when you don't want to deal with me.

So for now, all I can do is walk away.


	3. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for the reviews! I appreciate it ^^**

**Sorry for the wait! I had a hard time getting this chapter figured out. I can't say I'm too happy with it, but there's no sense putting it off any longer. I'll try to get the next chapter out sooner.**

* * *

My phone starts ringing. I see your name show up on my caller ID, and though I don't want to, I can't resist answering.

"Hello?"

"Meet me at that shitty old bookstore." Click.

Well then. I thought I'd made it pretty clear I wanted nothing to do with you. Then again, you've become almost infamous for going against peoples' wishes. Especially mine.

It's a strange kind of love that we may or may not have had. I can't really describe it.

If love were made of colors, ours would be black.

_"Gwen!" Your shout is like a slap in the face, somehow. The angry way you say my name, always, regardless of intent._

_I sigh. "What do you want." Not a question, but an exasperated statement._

_You appear behind me, wrap your long arms around my shoulders. A slender finger stroking my cheek._

If love were mental disorder, ours would be bipolar.

_A soft smile on your lips, so familiar._

Flash.

_"Hi!" you say, giving me the biggest hug you can possibly give. "I'm Heather. You're my new best friend."_

_You don't even know my name._

I regret letting you latch onto me like that.

Flash flash, jump out of the past.

I'm sitting in this used bookshop, waiting for the end of your shift. I've long since finished my mocha.

I think I see you looking through the dusty window, trying to tell if it's me sitting next to the coffee table.

Flash.

_"Why do you always hang out here?" you ask disapprovingly, looking around at the bookshelves._

_"Why not?" I reply._

_"First of all, this whole building's falling apart."_

It's pretty bad now, but back then it was actually in fairly good condition for a building so old.

_"Second, everything here is so old. Everything."_

Looking back a few years from then, this complaint doesn't surprise me.

_"What's wrong with old?" I ask, genuinely surprised._

Time means nothing to you.

_"What do you think is wrong with old?" you snap._

Old friendships, old relationships, none of this is sacred to you.

_"That's not an answer."_

_"Whatever. Does it matter why I hate this place? I just do."_

Everything has to be new to please you. Why come running back to your old girlfriend now?

They say Izzy is crazy and unpredictable, but at least her unpredictable behavior is meaningless.

But you? You're always up to something.

It's just so tiring, trying to keep up with you. Wondering why you do what you do.

You're not worth it. You're not worth it and I can't understand why I keep acting like you are.**  
**


	4. Chapter 3

**Again, thanks for the reviews! I wish I could respond to them individually but I keep forgetting. Ahahaha.**

**Oh and I promise that stuff will actually happen soon. This chapter is pretty much not that great but I wanted to get something uploaded...actually I might just go and rewrite this one eventually because I am not thrilled with how it turned out :I**

* * *

"You know, you could at least _pretend_ you're happy to see me."

Of course you'd bitch at me. Obviously I've got no right to be angry when my terrible ex-girlfriend decides she wants to mess with me.

My scowl deepens.

"Okay, seriously?" You scowl right back at me. "We haven't talked in months. What's your deal?"

"Gee, Heather, have you ever thought that maybe there's a _reason_ we haven't talked in so long?"

"Okay, so we broke up. _Whatever._"

You are so nonchalant about the whole thing I wonder if you understand what you've done.

"Don't be such a baby," you continue, putting on lipgloss. "People break up and get back together all the time."

I cross my arms and say nothing.

"Besides, you never even got over me."

I stiffen.

"You just acted like you did. Trust me, I know you too well."

Flash, _"Trust me, Gwen!"_

You're smirking at me, and I realize you're just playing with me. _Again._

I open my mouth to argue, but you cut me off before I have a chance to start.

"No no, Gwenny. I already know what you're gonna say." Your smirk changes to a soft smile. "And, hey, maybe I never got over you either."

I relax a bit. I shouldn't believe you. I shouldn't even trust you.

But here I am, falling for your every word.

_"Trust me, Gwen, it'll be fun."_

Flash.

_"Trust me, Gwen, it's better if we keep it secret."_

Flash.

_"Trust me, Gwen, I won't hurt you."_

_"Trust me, Gwen, I love you."_

_"Trust me, Gwen."_

_"Trust me, Gwen!"_

God. I thought I was supposed to be smart. Or at least, not a complete idiot.

Why did I ever believe the words that left your lips?

"Um, hello?" You wave your hand in my face. "Earth to Gwen."

I shake my head. "Right. Sorry. Anyway, what do you want?"

"I want _you_."

"No, really."

The smile never leaves your face.

"Come on, Heather, enough screwing around already." Seriously, you are the most annoying person I have ever met.

"I made a mistake, and I'm sorry." Your voice is overly sweet. Practically dripping in crapsacchirine. You lay your hand on the table. "Forgive me. You know you want to."

I wonder why you're trying so hard.

"You're lonely," you tell me, as if I hadn't noticed. "No one talks to you anymore, except for that boring surfer girl and her boyfriend."

A loner forever. You always used to tease me about it.

"And who's fault is that?" I ask calmly.

_"C'mon, Gwen, they're not gonna kill you" you whisper harshly, gesturing towards your little posse at the lunch table. "At least _pretend _to act cool."_

_"No one even talked to me until we started going out." Of course, no one knows we're girlfriends. They just think we're _best_ friends. Whatever, it's good enough. "They don't care about me."_

_"Oh, whine whine whine." You stomp your foot. "Come on. I'll make it up to you later."_

Flash.

_"Ugh, Gwen is such a bitch. I can't believe Heather put up with her for so long."_

_"Hey, did you hear? Gwen's a lesbian!"_

When it came to girls, I only ever had eyes for you, but of course I couldn't tell them _that._

"Oh, whine whine whine." This time around, you sound more like your gently teasing me rather than just plain mocking me. Your freshly glossed lips form a soft smile. "Come on. It couldn't hurt to give us another shot."

I struggle not to roll my eyes.

_"Trust me, Gwen!"_

I can't tell if you're saying it now or if it's another flashback, but God am I tempted to trust you.

And I can believe I'm going to do this to myself, _again._ Put myself through all this crap again.

I take your hand in mine.


	5. Chapter 4

**Hehe, looks like I got my muse back!**** I think I figured out how to keep the fic from imploding this time, too.**

**The chapter is completely different and a lot better than it originally was, so that's a plus! It does feel a lot more fillery though. Meh. Despite being a major improvement from the original, it's still not the best chapter I've written. I think I liked the original flashback better too, even though I barely remember it. I guess it's not really that surprising though; I wrote this all in one day and just HAD to get it uploaded lest I risk losing it again.**

**Let's cross our fingers and hope I can get the next chapter out within a week!**

* * *

"So, you guys are back together?"

I can picture Bridgette casually leaning against her bed, sitting with her legs crossed. I can picture the confused look on her face as I tell her about our conversation earlier.

"I think so, yeah," I say, examining my hand. The teal polish on them is chipped; I hope you didn't notice.

So it's not like you pay any attention to details. Still, I'd rather you didn't notice my flaws.

"Why?" Bridgette asks. She's not judgemental, just worried. She has every right to be.

Don't you dare say otherwise. You know what you've done to me.

"I...don't know," I answer honestly. "I guess..."

"Nah, it's okay." I can see Bridgette giving me a reassuring smile, even though we can't see each other. "It's cool. You don't have to explain."

I breathe a quiet sigh of relief. I'm so glad to have a friend like her. She doesn't trust you - and quite frankly, I shouldn't either - but she trusts me. She worries and she gives me advice, but she's not overbearing and she never tells me what I should and shouldn't do.

And maybe I'm a shitty girlfriend for thinking this, but I wish you were a little bit more like her.

"You know," I muse, "maybe she's right. Maybe it couldn't hurt to give her another chance."

"Maybe." Bridgette sounds unsure. I can imagine her pursing her lips, unwilling to call me out on this. She probably realizes that this is just me pretending to be hopeful.

I _know_ it'll hurt, being with you. I just finally decided not to give a damn.

* * *

I am so tired.

I have been laying here for hours and I still can't sleep. I blame you.

I sigh and sit up. Might as well do something and pretend to be productive. I turn on my bedside lamp and examine my room. Nothing grabs my attention; I've finished my homework, my room is clean enough, and I don't feel like reading...I used to text you when I couldn't sleep, but that usually led to arguments.

_I run my fingers through my hair. Ugh._

I could always paint my nails, I guess.

_Against my better judgement, I pick up my phone and send you a text._

_'Hey heather, i need someone to talk to'_

I get up and start pushing things around on my dresser, hunting for my teal nail polish. I decide not to bother with removing what's already on, opting to just paint over it instead.

_My phone buzzes. I slide my keyboard out, expecting the worst._

_'What do u want?'_

_Well, at least you didn't scream at me._

_'I cant sleep again and i cant figure out why'_

Unfortunately, my teal polish is nowhere to be found. Dammit. Looks like I'm all out of black, too.

_'This crap again? Ur probably stressed or sumthing. Take a pill'_

Whatever. I'm not even sure why I care.

Surprisingly, I hear my phone vibrate. I pick it up and check the clock. Ugh, it's 2:33 am? Why am I still awake?

More importantly, who could be texting me at this hour?

'Hey gwenny, i cant sleep'

I think about ignoring the text, but realize that it's probably not a good idea.

I decide to answer, telling you the same thing you always liked to tell me.

'Youre probably stressed or something. Take a pill'

I smirk. Not exactly the cleverest response in the world, but it should work.


	6. Chapter 5

**This chapter would've been up sooner, but I had a fic to beta and I felt bad uploading my own fic first...oh and chapter four is up too by the way, in case you didn't see it.**

**I've been toying with the idea of a companion fic from Heather's POV. It would just be this little side project with really infrequent updates, but would anyone be interested in seeing that someday?**

**Writing from the POV of a sleep-deprived character while tired is fun but ugh my Gwen characterization is off today.**

**actually fuck that the whole thing is off. i might have to rewrite the last few chapters eventually because bluh bluh bluh they are not very good, IMHO. OH WELL they are up and that's all that matters, I guess. Hopefully I will be a smart Melifay and get the next chapter up within a decent amount of time!**

* * *

"Don't be a smartass."

"Aw, why not?" I ask, my voice taking on a mock-whiny tone. Teasing you is just way too easy sometimes.

"Okay, seriously, Gwen!" You're starting to raise your voice. Calm down. "What do you do when you can't sleep?"

"Suck it up."

You let out a high-pitched squeal-screech. "Seriously? That's the best you can come up with?"

"That's what you always tell me to do," I remind you.

"Ugh, you're useless."

"Love you too." I roll my eyes.

I'm not sure you heard me; a few seconds later I hear the dialtone. Did you forget that we're dating now? Hanging up on your girlfriend is the opposite of good girlfriend behaviour.

Ugh. Whatever. I yawn and lay back down. Maybe I can at least pretend to get some sleep.

* * *

_My back smacks against the hardwood floor. You pin my arms to the ground, a malicious grin on your face._

_"I love you." You smash our lips together and pull away just as quickly._

_"What's going on?" I ask, my voice shaking slightly._

_"You'll see."_

_You take my hand and pull me off the ground, then gently lead me upstairs. You cannot possibly be the same girl who'd knocked me down just a minute ago._

_Fuck. Fuck I am shaking._

_You chuckle. "Don't be scared," you say. "It'll be okay."_

_Yeah, whatever._

_You climb out a window onto the roof. Tentatively, I follow._

_"Isn't it nice up here?" you ask, staring at the stars._

_"Yeah...yeah, it kinda is," I agree._

_We stand on the roof for a little while, holding hands and looking at the sky. Eventually, the night chill gets to me._

_"I'm going back in," I tell you, letting go of your hand._

_I stumble. I end up sliding to the edge, almost falling off. I flail my arms in an attempt to regain my balance._

_"Help me!"_

_You turn your head and smile. My eyes widen as you watch._

_I slip and fall off the edge._

_I hear you laugh as I scream, as I fall, fall, fall._

Not a flashback. A dream.

Thank God it's just a dream. Just imagine what would happen if you'd pushed me off for real.

* * *

I grip your hand tightly. God everyone's gonna make fun of me I'm so sick of their shit oh wow am I sweating why do I even care?

You lean over and whisper in my ear. "Relax."

I can't tell if that's supposed to be an angry relax! or a reassuring relax.

"Seriously, you're gonna break my hand."

I loosen my grip slightly. "Sorry."

You turn your head and smile at me. I give you a little smile in return. I am reminded vaguely of my nightmare; I shiver at the thought of it.

"Seriously. Chances are, no one will even notice."

I breathe a sigh of relief. "Yeah, you're probably right," I admit.

"Come on, you've never cared what people thought before! Why start now?"

A pep talk? From you? This is completely unexpected.

"You're right!" Honestly, now that you've mentioned it, I'm wondering why I was so nervous. "Wow. Wonder what's up with me."

Your smile changes to a smirk. "Sleep deprivation, probably."

I chuckle. "You're probably right. Haven't really slept well the past few days."

"I can tell." Now you're frowning.

Okay, what's up? Are you bipolar? Do you have some sort of weird split-personality? You're never worried about me.

I just can't keep up with you.

Actually, it seems like there's something wrong with the both of us today.

"Now, come on! We're gonna be late!"


End file.
